Luck deserted me

Or rather, do I even have lady luck at all?

Last Monday I was issued a summons from a traffic cop. What's so bad about a summons? Well, it's one summons for 2 offences!

It was just after lunch at Imbi area and I committed the offense by making an illegal u-turn just like any other drivers would do to ease the traffic. Though it was a shortcut but it was like exercising our social responsibility by not adding one more car onto the jumble of vehicles trying to weave around the jam.

Two cops beckoned me to pull over and the closest one asked me if I knew what offense I'd committed, to which I just smiled and nodded. What benefit would I gain in acting dumb? So, out goes my driving license and ID while he began scribbling on his pad. I'm no expert in sweet-talking to cops so right then I began to accept my fate, and started counting down my income silently, for making the silly mistake of u-turn.

Just when I thought I had a budget allocated for the summons I was hit with a double whammy - he noticed that my driving license expired on 17 May! There goes one more addition into the piece of summons!

Why couldn't they make themselves more useful than summoning corporate lunch goers! The real criminals are out there, terrorizing our neighbors, and here these cops going after non-criminal law breaking offenders who are just taking a lunch break!

A Very Painful Account of my Surviving Life!

Here is an account of how my life in the Big Ocean is continually ruined and constantly subjected to pounding and crushing under the hammer of  'the powers that be', who, some say, are more than ordained by god; they consider themselves gods!

It was day of Bonus given out from robin hood bank, which had amassed a fortune over the years, and, annually, saw if fit to distribute to its faithful servants the fruits of labour (and plundering?), allocating the quantum based on achievers and yardsticks that purportedly measure their performances. No doubt it was a joyous occasion for all after weeks of anticipating the day and the planning on how best to spend their annual fortune.

One such person is yours humbly, and how all his plans and eager anticipation of such occasion culminated in a devastating and emotional event, such that the path of life was almost guaranteed to be dictated by gravitational forces.

Well, here goes:

Having served 20 years in the same bank with no record of fraudulent activities on my part, saved for some shortcomings attributed to heavy workload, as a result of poor management, the expected quantum of bonus would naturally be 2 months at the least, in view of the poor economic downturn, bla bla..

So what if I tendered my resignation last November, only to be persuaded by my boss's boss to stay put with the promise that I would be transferred to reporting, in view of my database and programming skills. With that hope I retracted my letter and continued on. No counter-offer of promotion or salary raise. It was a clean transparent deal.

Now, as I thought to myself, what could I do with my 2 months bonus? It was 2 months before bonus then. The prevailing economic times dictated that I conduct proper planning in prudent spending and putting a leash on my 'wants' and 'wishes', only allow the essentials through.

My 'top essential items' on my bonus spending list:

1. Pay RM3K to my credit card creditor so they could lock the interest and offer me 17 monthly instalments of RM520 to settle my credit debt, with no further interest charged;
2. Update RM500 on another credit card balance;
3. Pay another RM300 to update another;
4. Now that the cards are taken care of, update the payment on my car, RM700;
5. Give RM1,500 to my wife for the expenses incurred which was all spent from her December bonus;
6. Give RM200 each to my 2 daughters;
   That already amounts to, what? RM6,920?
7. Ok, the rest.. well, there's these electrical power points at home which have not been working, a CD player and home theatre that were in dire need of repair, give mum some money for the Chinese New Year, replace some of my torn working shirts, squeeze some money to buy a second hand desktop PC, and maybe, maybe if there's still some money left, I could get me a new mobile phone instead of being stuck with my Nokia N73 with a broken pointing stick and broken keypad.. maybe something that costs below RM500..
8. My younger daughter likes photography and is working part-time to earn some savings to buy a good SLR camera. Maybe I could chip in RM500 to make her dream more realizable. It touches me to make my girls happy, doesn't it, for you?
9. My elder one, she has already exhausted her savings to buy materials and accessories for a fashion show organized by her college last month, so I thought I would replenish it with another RM300 to 400. Not much coming from 2 months bonus, I know.

Now tell me, was that so much to ask for? Some things I could only depend on annual bonus as almost all of my monthly income goes to paying off my credit cards which never seem to reduce. Hey, don't blame it all on me, I was never born with a silver spoon. And when I needed the extra money during the early days, as a low-income earner, and expenses run high, who would willingly lend me money to survive? Lo, here comes the credit card company, offering a way to live above the poverty level! Of course, we all thought we could manage the balances until they struck us hard.

Back to the bonus thingy.. The minimum I got for my bonus last year was 2.9 months. Used to be 3, 3.5 or 4 months during the good ol' times.. and finally that day came..

WHAM!  ..   BANG!! ..  another WHAM!!!

That was how I got hit! Never least expected it to be a damn cruel one! I checked my bank account - it was only RM3,800! No need to work out the calculation - I got a shocking 1 month's bonus! ONLY ONE MISERABLE MONTH'S BONUS after almost 300 days of working late like a dog last year!

I know for a fact that some of my colleagues in my dept received 4 months bonus or more but for me to be allotted only 1 month is surely done with cruel intentions. I can only imagine the bonuses of 'the powers that be', receiving a damn fat cheque that may even run into 6 figures, who don't even have any outstanding bills to settle.

OMG! What would I bring home? I gotta settle RM3,000 to my creditors otherwise they'll come knocking on my door, I gotta pay RM500 to another one too, no 2 ways about it! Ok, I paid them both. So, now, lemme see what's left in my coffer... errrm.. RM300. 

My heart sank, and then it almost drowned, literally, in my own tears, though I managed not to let them out through my eyes. Later, that day, in intervals, I let some out when I couldn't control myself any longer. I was alone. Loneliness crept into me as the bare fact of the bonus quantum reared it ugly head and seek out to divide me from the other colleagues who are satisfied, though not very upbeat, with their own quantum.

Gone away is my dream and hope of redeeming myself from the clutches of debts. But what hurts most is that a weary and downtrodden father is unable to offer the fruits of his labour to his wife and 2 daughters to make them happy and lessen their burden.

So, in atonement for my shortcomings I shall attempt to stay sane and strong under the same boss, and continue bear the burden of my wife and children in the hope, no matter how thin the thread it treads on, that someday soon our struggle to survive will end, and that we shall start living, again.

My dear friends, I think now is a good time to offer me some comforting words, or some hope. I think I will need it very badly..

We accept VISA, Mastercard, American Express..

These sales people are taunting me with their products everytime I walked into a shopping centre. Give me cash anytime!

I have noticed that banks offering Credit Cards have evolved from their social obligation in providing secure and convenient way of shopping, while at the same time earning interest from debtors who pay only minimum, to becoming arrogant insensitive creditors bent on increasing their profit margin by charging additional interest on late payment and hellbent on destroying the debtors credibility.

Here's my take on this subject at:  http://doyouneedcreditcards.blogspot.com/

Wasted by Migraine!

Today, Saturday, was a day full of opportunities and the day I have been anticipating for a week. Alas, if not for the migraine it would also have been very fruitful.

Woke up at 6:30am due to migraine. Couldn't continued sleeping. Went downstairs, made myself a cup of tea after shower, and surfed the net a while before switching to Astro channel. Thought I could let the migraine subside but later at about 8am gave in to 2 Panadeine, which never failed to cure. Continued to be glued to the TV while the pills worked their magic.

An hour passed, the migraine which was attacking my right eye and surrounding area still persisted. Took another 2 pills at 12:30pm and laid down on my bed to rest. When I woke up at 3pm the pain did not even relent, not even a little. I began to worry. Worst case scenario for me was half a day of suffering. This is the first time I was suffering migraine for a full day. Maybe something was wrong with my nerve, or blood vessel somewhere.

Fortunately, the migraine subsided a little but still I swallowed another pair of Panadeine by 7pm. Till now, even as I am typing this blog, a small trace of migraine is still prevailing causing me to dread waking up tomorrow with another repeat..

I WANT MY NORMAL LIFE BACK !!!

Who doesn't? If you're not normal it's understandable to want a normal life. You may not want people from every corner to know that you're a superhero, a genius, a guru unless you welcome and desire all the attention and hoohah surrounding your every move.

Well, that's me, a superhero. I am a genius who knows every technic and method of troubleshotting problems. I am a guru who you would look up to if you want directions in solving your problems. i am born to do multitasking and knows exactly how to prioritize my work to suit your ever changing needs. I have no problem spending more than enough time working productively for you. I'll even sacrifice my time with my family if I have to protect your reputation, however ruined it may have become. Heck, I'll even take all the brunt and scolding for you. I am resilient. Nothing can touch me. I am your punching bag.

At the end, and after all the years, you may kick me off if I don't live up to your expectation. You'll just say life's like that.

That is the problem. That is what is expected of me now, to be a superhero, to satisfy your every requirement so you can be successful. My talents and capabilities must be exploited to the fullest in order for you to gain recognition from your peers.

Now, it is time for me to say enough is enough. You have no right to stand in my way. And that 'way' is the way to my progress and growth. I have done all I have been able to according to my faculties. It is time I look into my needs and channel all my effort and energy into paving the way for my future. You claimed to have acted in my interest but all you have accomplished is victory in demoralising me and making me feel inadequate and incapable of achieving goals. Have it your way then if it makes you content.

Someday, very soon, I will be detached from the gripping sense of dependency on a corporation that feeds on the fruits of labour painstakingly produced by others of my kind. Then will I be able to channel all my energy, with a renewed sense of freedom, into realising my dream.

Only then will I be able to wake up in the mornings to welcome the day and embrace it, however it may choose to manifest itself, with great anticipation, ready to face challenges.

Armoured with will and confidence will I take on the tasks that once seemed impossible.

In collaboration that is bonded in trust and openess will I be able to surmount the uphill beginnings and eventually patch the great divide.

In collaboration will I be able to demonstrate the true meaning of Transformation!

Working invisible

Today was like one of those hectic days and I realised I was working in invisible form. My staff is on 2 days leave so she's physically not here. But being physically here and invisible at the same time is what I summarised my situation at the end of the day.

The morning in the office started with phones ringing requesting for IDs, password reset, clarification, solution to internet access problem, and whatnots. As if being engaged on one line is not enough I had to bear the beeping sound from the receiver indicating callers on hold. I was working like a mad person at times, rushing to collect printouts and back to my workstation, answering calls one after the other.

More often than not I'm not able to get things done cos as soon as I'm midway into some work something else, urgent, would come to me requiring immediate attention. Can't work like this anymore. Soon I wouldn't be able to live like this. Amidst all the display of tension from me it looked like no one else notice my predicament. I wonder if they could if they hear a loud thud on my table one fine day! Well, hope it won't come to that..

When Corporation embarks on Transformation

There's certainly sadness, anger, resentment, and feeling of betrayal prevailing over employees in the end when big corporation, after engaging 'consultants' to transform management and employees, not only fail to address employee's issues like basic salary but instead impose stringent criteria on distribution of bonus and salary increment and adjustment.

It's really sad that there are some hardworking staff whose salary are not adjusted during the salary adjustment period. Percentile of salary increment also depends on the KPI (key performance index), but then how accurate are the ratings that were accorded which were even subjected to moderation by management?

Here's what I boldly posted in their portal as part of the survey. A small piece of my mind, but then again, we are but the little fish in a vast blue ocean...

Transformation surely involves tremendous cost and sacrifices but, ultimately, as a layman and being at the 'receiving end', it clearly instills fear and risk of instability in everyone's career from the result of this process.

Transformation coming from top-down is fruitless without data and facts coming from down-upwards. Do not even mention the data gathering were in place as the surveys did not address the employees' issues at hand.

Growth does not happen when the parents dictate, but when they begin to hear the voices of their children!

Dreams of frustration

Some sleep I had last night : (

I hate it when I sleep through a fever. I never failed to get these dreams - of patterns, or a certain kind of pattern that keeps turning and turning. Even when I awake in the middle of the night and go back to sleep again, that same pattern would come back and haunt my dream throughout till morning. It really tires the mind. Really hate it.

Last night was no different only that I was not having fever. Things are not the same as a year before when I would be looking forward to going back to work after the weekend. Now, Sunday evenings mark a very solemn occasion in my life cos that 'looking forward' died a year ago. So that very night on the eve of Mo-a-nday I was having this dream of a certain pattern where I had to 'invoke' a certain first step and skim through the different stages of the moving pattern which keeps on repeating itself. And after my body had taken a break to the bathroom, I had to start all over again infusing my subconscious into that same pattern, ooh! I had lost self control over my own self!

It's like some big jigsaw puzzle (more like a problem) dumped into my head and refuse to exit until a solution could be found. Nowadays, sleep is definitely not what I'm looking forward to, nor Mondays!

Big company, poor management

You know what sucks? When big company makes big money from you and me and even more money from poor management at our expenses.

My Astro decoder went bust last month and a technician was dispatched the next day. After confirming the unit was faulty I had to pay RM160+ for a new set. That's okay with me considering the 5-6 years it served me. But what irks me was when I received my next monthly bill I was charged a RM10 registration fee! When I called the customer service she quoted that it was for the re-registration since I had changed the decoder. I argued that everything had a lifespan and not like it's my fault it went bust. She again repeated the same reason and I was tempted to tell her I was not ready to communicate with a parrot.

I am already a registered customer and I don't need to be re-registered again. I know that they have to re-register the new decoder to my account, so just go ahead and punch in the required commands in the system to re-register it. It is a matter of whether you know how to use the system function, not a matter of new subscriber. And it's not like they replaced my spoilt unit for free. Watch out, it could happen to you too..

Learn from Adertisers

Yesterday as I was driving in the city I tuned in to the traffic report from a local radio network. Instead of traffic info all I could hear is the loud drumbeat and cymbals beating and the vocal announcement being in the background! Previously I used to get annoyed with the background trash the deejays put in while announcing the report but at least then the vocal was still audible. But now...
Advertisers always make their jingles clear, precise and audible so listeners can hear and understand their messages. Deejays, please, learn from the advertisers!

Drivers you'd love to hate

Been driving for the past 16 years, including the early 6 months without license. Bet you have on many occasion loose your cool on the road though no fault of the Malaysian climate, nor your air-conditioning. Anyway, here's my top list:

Potong-masuk (Cutting in without signalling)
Ever hear of the song titled 'Something in the way she moves..'? Well, some cars move that way. You'll know from the way they try to maintain their lane but you could 'feel' they.. Then suddenly, before you could even finish your sentences, they swerve right in front of you and continues on your lane! These are the type of drivers who believe that signalling will deprive them the chance to cut lanes. These are certainly the kind of drivers I'd rev my accelerator and drive along side them and only then will they admit defeat and start signalling. How I just love to give them driving tips, and for free!

Mindless drivers
Then there are those who drive like they've been cooped up at home for too long and need to savour their freedom, taking a slow drive around impervious to the already impatient drivers behind. Don't know what they're thinking, or if they're actually thinking. Just mindlessly driving with no purpose..

Road litterer
Seriously! Like they have this compulsive desire to keep their cars immaculate and bacteria free, you see tissues, crumpled paper, and whatnot mindlessly tossed out of their windows right smack in front of you. Don't you wish you had earlier applied for a post in the police academy? At least then you could summon the culprits to pull over and issue them a coupon or two. Me, appalled though I am, I'm just as guilty for disposing of my cigarette butt out the window. There, no points for me..

Mobile drivers
As if driving ain't mobile enough, they have to have a mobile phone manually stuck to their head while expertly maneuvering through the traffic. Especially those driving expensive cars, don't want to look any more extravagant buying a bluetooth headset, cos money already spent on high car maintenance. Tried that last month, just once and was instantly rewarded with a hefty summons! Currently looking for sponsors to settle the fine..

Lovebirds
I know we've all been there, done that. But pleeze... not while driving. These types are so much into each other, heads swinging to and from each other, blood rushing in excitement, but behind cars pitifully at snail's pace while, on your left and right, cars buzzed by you.

Accidental tourists
Tourists come, see, and go. After the long and tiresome pumping exercise on the brake and accelerator you finally get to see the reason for the long traffic jam. That's not so bad. What's worse is when the accident actually occurred on the other side of the highway!

How goes my Monday

Another uneventful day at office. In case you don't know, day in day out I've been working my butt out to clear other colleagues' work problems and build a heap of outstanding for myself. Why they look at me as their problem solver guru I have not the faintest idea and it's really depressing to see others of the same or higher ranking than me able to leave their workload (if they really have any) behind before sunset and set out for home. Me, well, I would sure wish at that same time I could go round and distribute my heap among those who have nothing better to do than wait for the 5:45pm whistle.

Dreadful Mondays, don't you agree?

Moan-day, that what's it is, moaning on an otherwise wonderful Sunday evening, not looking forward, but being drawn every second, towards Monday. How I loathe Monday, not the day though, but the prospect of going to office. I tell myself isn't 17 years of being someone's or some big corporation's employee a little tiresome? Then I tell myself it will all end. I will make something of myself, my life, my family's life. Enough of having to juggle with multiple credit cards, my rolling financial pins. Enough of waking up drooling from my day dream. I am setting my foot down and doing something about my life.